The subject of
cheating in a relationship might seem a bit off-topic for this blog, but I wish
to touch on it, and it remains my blog, so I shall do whatever the hell I want
with it.
I wish to discuss,
first off, polyamorous relationships.
I refer to people
who attend sexual/romantic relationships with multiple partners where everyone involved stands on the same
page and understands and agrees to the situation.
I do not write of
relationships where one or both partners sleep with other people unbeknownst to
each other. I consider that cheating. More on that later.
Many couples, here
in Seattle, enjoy a polyamorous relationship.
Each member of
these relationships stands free to sleep with multiple partners. I discovered
that, in many of these cases, such people consider each and every one of their
partners her or his boy- or girlfriend.
Not every case
proves the same, of course.
I, personally,
fail to feel wired for such an arrangement, but I don’t frown upon it. I
consider it the direction that humanity will eventually travel.
Marriage continues
to grow less meaningful, in a legal sense, due to such factors as no-fault divorce.
Birth control and longer life spans will also grease this track.
Polyamorous people
often confuse me, though, when they self-identify as polyamorous but remain in
an exclusive relationship.
A male friend of
mine once said that his live-in girlfriend disapproved of
the fact that he still referred to himself as polyamorous.
Really? She doesn’t
like that? Gee.
This friend of
mine swore he would never cheat on
his girlfriend. I believe him.
However, when I questioned
why he still identified as polyamorous, he reported that he was polyamorous, just as he might report
himself a Caucasian.
Many Seattleites classify
“polyamorous” as a sexuality rather than an availability. My aforementioned
friend would never sleep with someone other than his girlfriend, but he remains
attracted to other woman.
To which I say,
“Join the club.”
A lot of debate
stands between my friends and myself when it comes to the subject of cheating.
We argue (with ourselves as much as with each other) on the qualifications of
cheating.
Obviously, if you
sleep with someone other than your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, and that person or people know
nothing about it, you cheated.
What of a massage, though? A lap dance?
Do I, if I remain
in an exclusive relationship, perform a disservice should I receive a massage
from another woman?
Depends on the
massage. If the massage turns “dirty” (happy ending), then, yeah, I
ought to politely tell the masseuse to stop, perhaps even end the massage
altogether.
Some people argue
that if they go in for a professional massage, no one can hold it against them
if things get “carried away.” I call bullshit on this self-service of a
philosophy.
Options exist to
avoid this outcome. You could always ask your significant other to join you for
a couple's massage. You could casually mention your significant other to the
masseuse before the start of your massage.
Hell, you could
ask your significant other for a massage and enjoy whichever direction the
activity takes you two.
I think one of the
best ideas for an anniversary present remains tuitions at a massage school. The
two of you (or eight, whatever your situation) can learn the art, get your
certificates, and use your new knowledge only on each other.
You can also
attend a massage clinic such as Massage
Envy, which remains so professional that you actually feel a bit rejected
when you leave. Your significant other will never question a massage performed
at Massage Envy.
What of a lap
dance?
If your
significant other sits beside you and says, “Go for it,” I can’t see the harm.
If you went to a strip club without him or her . . . yeah, that qualifies as, at
a minimum, yellow-belt cheating.
Put it this way,
guys: if your girlfriend stripped naked, sat in some other guy’s lap, and
grinded him, would you feel okay about it?
Every relationship
proves different. Not every couple (or group) will consider the same activities
as acts of disloyalty.
Communication
proves key, and if you hesitate to even ask permission to perform a certain act
. . . that probably serves as your answer.
Thanks for reading.
Daughters of Darkwana received a sweet, succinct
review, which you can read here, http://www.thebookeaters.co.uk/daughters-of-darkwana-by-martin-wolt-jr/
Also,
the third book in my series, Diaries of
Darkwana, will hit Kindle just as soon as I find a new cover artist. I have
a few candidates already, thank goodness.
Movie
reviews at moviesmartinwolt.blogspot.com
Short stories at
martinwolt.blogspot.com
A
look at the politics of the entertainment world at EntertainmentMicroscope.blogspot.com.
An
inside look at my novels (such as Daughters of Darkwana, which you can now find on Kindle) at Darkwana.blogspot.com
Tips
to improve your fiction at FictionFormula.blogspot.com
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